Politician DESTROYED By Facts and Logic

by Eldelm M’Ledle

STRINGFIELD— Local politician Aron Waller received an unpleasant surprise this Tuesday morning when Doctor Elysia Mcleod, the head researcher of Saint Balthazar University’s Natural Sciences department, ambushed him with Facts and Logic, her two pet lions, outside of the courthouse. Though the extent of Waller’s injuries have been unconfirmed by the hospital, eyewitnesses claim to have seen his arm clenched between Logic’s jaws before she was shooed away by guards.

While the attack may be shocking, officials have confirmed that Mcleod was acting within her rights. The court case of Knowles v. Ochoa officially protects the presence of lions at protests, declaring that “...discrimination of any kind, whether of ethnicity, gender, or species, cannot be tolerated.” Though the case centered primarily around Leo Sapiens over their less articulate cousins, the law applies to all members of the lion community, and, as such, Mcleod and her companions are unlikely to face charges.

When asked about her motive, Mcleod replied, “Waller had been cutting [the department]’s funding for months, and funneling what should’ve been ours over to the theatre they’re building down on Main Street. When I saw what he was doing, I knew I had to act, and Facts and Logic were there to back me up.”

Both lions were asked for their opinion, but they politely declined interviews with our journalists.